Without a military ID, I can’t get official employment or re-enroll in university to finish my degree after being expelled. That means no stable job, no long-term prospects, just scraping by through unofficial gigs with no rights or protections.

I’m terrified of entering any government offices or even walking past the police. It’s scary to use public service centers or to see law enforcement anywhere. Every time I see a police officer, my heart starts racing—I immediately scan for exits, calculating the fastest escape route.

I’m afraid to go to Moscow because of the metro’s facial recognition system that automatically issues military summons. University had once been a dream, a chance at a future, but now it’s just another thing I’ve lost to fear and bureaucracy.

I carry a razor blade with me when I go outside, just in case they try to take me directly to the military office—I need an escape if it comes to that. It’s my last resort, the only way to keep control over my own fate.

The constant, unrelenting fear for my life is unbearable.